Just plain tired.

I rolled out of bed early this morning, for the THIRD day in a row. I don’t like to HAVE to get up early, though sometimes I will because I want to, which is then OK. But how I loathed rising at 6:30 every morning when I was employed, and now feel put-upon when I must get up before I want to. I needed to be at Bickford by 9:00 today, because the woman who cuts my hair had agreed to come and cut Mom’s. This was such a welcome change from taking Mom out to a salon, getting her out to the car and into the mall, telling her to wait there–and what if this is the time she wanders off?–hurrying to park and get back inside, and then walking her the short distance to the hair salon outside of Target. The distance has become too great for my once-indefatiguable mother, another jolt of reality: how she has deteriorated in physical health as well as mental state. The stylist, Karen, arrived, and we went to the small salon with chair and sink, conveniently available for use by residents. A stylist comes every Wednesday morning, and she did cut Mom’s hair once, but the haircut was awful, and it bothered me to see Mom looking a bit bag-ladyish. Karen’s cuts are excellent; Mom’s hair stays looking nice for weeks. I’m paying her a bonus for being willing to come, which she richly deserves. We will arrange it on days Karen is in town anyway, since she lives in a tiny community 5-10 miles outside our larger town.

After Mom was clipped, we enjoyed a few minutes out in the sun and the high winds–gusts up to 40 mph–and then she wanted to go inside. I stopped to see Dad then, and found him still in bed. He said he felt OK, but was just tired and wanted to sleep. This is mildly unnerving, because he has always been early to rise. He was sort of cute with his hair sticking straight up, a state of dishabille I have rarely seen him in. I went home, pleased to have the visits behind me, and discovered how TIRED I was. I sat in my recliner and dozed for about an hour, then got up and ate too much lunch. Because I wanted to, that’s why. After eating, I felt revived, and began to write for this blog. I soon found out I had forgotten an important engagement where lunch was to be served. ARGH! It seems like I try so hard to be where I’m supposed to be, and do what I’ve committed to, and still I fail. When I do forget something, I have a little tendency to beat myself up about it, and so I raged around the house, hurrying to show up where I was SUPPOSED to be. It turned out to be no big deal, of course, but it’s left me with a “not-good-enough” feeling today. I better go to bed early tonight; tomorrow my husband and I will take my parents out for waffles for breakfast, their favorite. That makes FOUR days in a row–but Thursday’s looking good for sleeping in.

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